Sponge bath it is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
