u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
