Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
