Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
