sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
