Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
