know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
