the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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