Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize