Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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