you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
