i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
