he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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