i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
