so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
