I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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