you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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