I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
