Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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