i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
