so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
