there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
