The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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