Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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