I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
