Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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