look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize