I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
