people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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