I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
