i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she pinky promised me she was 18
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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