this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How does one acquire holy water?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
