I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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