i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
