GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
