there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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