I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
