I just pynch a tree in the face
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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