walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
