sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
