WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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