I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
