Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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