idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
