Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
