Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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