What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
