Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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