I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
