I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
