Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
