the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
