I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
