Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
