I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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