the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
