Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
