I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
