The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
