Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
