just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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