"it" just moved
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
