yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
