so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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