my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
