brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
