you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
